Adults, you are not alone

It is not surprising that children with learning difficulties, including those with a difficult temperament, Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, and other associated disorders are at greater risk of growing up with low self-esteem, inadequate communication skills, a high level of frustration and greater interpersonal vulnerability.

The presenting issue may be addiction, a failing marriage or the inability to achieve at work. The difficult temperamental issues experienced as a child, more often than not, continue into adulthood. Many scenarios such as interpersonal conflict, impulsive behaviour, volatile verbal outbursts, the inability to communicate and lack of organisation can present as relationship issues.

A closer examination of the deep-seated feelings of the adult may reveal chronic symptoms, often reported as having been present since childhood.

The inability to set priorities, a sense of being left out of social processes, distractibility that causes chaos and disorganisation, poor peer relationships, trouble keeping diary appointments and shame coupled with low self esteem, have often been part of the adult  since early childhood.

Areas such as alcohol and drug abuse, violence, poor relationship skills, poor parenting skills, depression, anxiety and work-related difficulties are still not fully appreciated by many helping professions. A sensitive investigation of these feelings will usually reveal an adult who has a continual vague sense of failure, and a keen sense of not having achieved to potential. The adult may well be quite intelligent but the frustration of communication and organisation can become so difficult it is easier to give up.

Counsellors at the Pastoral Counselling Institute have experienced this type of issue behaviour and are willing to assist you.

Or How to survive with "Addy"

Living with undiagnosed AD/HD can cause extreme distress in family life. If the issue has not been recognised, diagnosed or treated a relationship can be under strain right from the very beginning.

Often a difficulty is getting a spouse to admit that there COULD be something "different" about them. Most people with difficult temperament and associated disorders have become very defended. They have learnt to cope with life on their terms, and because their self-esteem is so low, often from continual failure or put downs, they lack the ability to admit that help is needed.

It is often only when a child begins to "act out" that the spouse is forced to look at "history repeating itself".

A household where difficulties of temperament or other learning disabilities is often very chaotic, very loud, and always in a hurry if "Addy" is hyperactive.

If "Addy" is a dreamer, then chaos can still result from lack of organisation within the busy family or conversely the family is always late or simply missing because nothing is organised ahead of time.

Distractibility can cause confusion and lead to the conclusion that "Addy" is totally irresponsible and does not care.

Even strong relationships can be tested to the limit.